Third Wheeling Tips for My Coupled Lady Friends

A few tips for those who have third wheels in their lives. Here are some ways you can help your single friends to feel a bit more comfortable when in the presence of your coupledom. 

1. Avoid PDA in front of the single friend. This most important tip might seem obvious, and you might not even think that you believe or engage in PDA, but you all do. Trust me. When he goes to put his arm around you as you all walk to the car, remember that your single friend is strolling right behind you…alone…watching you…feeling like she’s intruding on your date night. 
2. If possible, try to keep your cutesy couple behavior to a minimum. This behavior includes the inside jokes, the looks, the flirting, and the touching that individual couples all cultivate. Don’t get me wrong, these behaviors are adorable and healthy and a sign of wonderful chemistry. But these are the things that make the single feel like the outsider. Even the slight brush of your man’s arm or that little stare he gives you, no matter how subtle you may think it is, can make us feel like we weren't accepted into this secret club. 
3. Make time for girl time. As much as it’s fun to socialize with friends’ guys and as important it is for us to build friendships with your men,  it’s even more important to keep the girl bond. Just because you might want to spend all of your time with your man doesn’t mean we want to. (No offense!).We were friends with you first, and we miss the way it used to be. So please don’t invite your guy to every occasion. Allow for a mani-pedi day, a girl’s only brunch, or a lady’s happy hour sometimes. Or even just meet for coffee or stop by your single friend's place. Oh, but don’t make a big deal out of it by labeling it a specific ‘girl thing’ or only scheduling the ‘girl thing’ for when your man isn’t around. Such a faux pas can make the single lady feel like she’s getting the quality time scraps.
4. While you may be tempted to invite along a man friend to our social outing, a man who just happens to be gainfully employed, cute, and single, who would conveniently round out the 4th seat at the table, and who may be quite compatible with us, don’t! Trying to set up your single friend in this way makes us feel pathetic and pressured. It sends the message that we are best suited for your company if we, too, are in a couple. That we are more socially acceptable when paired. You may not mean this well intentioned gesture in any such way, but inevitably, this is what we the singles immediately internalize.
5. Finally, shut up sometimes, and I mean that in the most loving way. We don’t always need the pep talk after another dating debacle. Nor do we need you to reiterate your thoughts (for the 20th time) on our unhealthy pattern with men. Or to suggest a retreat, that self help book, or the new dating site you saw trending on Facebook last week. We don’t need you to commiserate with stories from your past or to fill us with false hope because you lived happily ever after. You also don’t have to offer to set us up, and you certainly don’t need to assume that we're always feeling sad and lonely because we are single. Being single doesn’t mean that we need to be fixed or that we need to create an action plan. So unless we’re unusually upset or specifically ask for something, all you need to do is listen. And keep the drinks coming.